6.02.2010

désarroi

You know when your thoughts are like stuffed inside your head, but they are all folded in on each other so when you pull one out, the rest are pulled along with that one? Like the first tissue in a box of Kleenex - you can't ever pull out ONE tissue, you are pulling out the rest of them and then its just a chain of these tissues folded in on one another...

It's kind of maddening when it's all happening in your head, anyway.

TIME! It's running out, it's terrifying, and it's making me go insane. Rationalizing anything isn't working for me right now. I want to accomplish a million & two things within these 2 weeks, all of which my future career depends...

See what I mean? Box of Kleenex.


I've also found that since I have been glued to this state of mind for the time, I need equally fervent/turmoil-ish music to relate to. Grieg's cello sonata & string quartet has provided me exactly that... what would I do without him??

Breathe, breeeathe.




Photograph by lis

5.15.2010

un peu triste et réfléchie

It's cloudy and raining. I'm sitting here drinking this peach passion tea. I just watched An Education and am inspired to listen to Ravel, non-stop. I had a week of terrible sleep, impossible exams, and unrequited feelings.
If I had the choice to go back in time right now, I would work hard to go study at a music conservatory, take pre-medical classes and go from there... My next month will make me really regret not deciding to do that before. I think I'll be studying about 12 hours a day to try and get where I need to be.
Anyway, if I could be anywhere right now, I'd travel to Switzerland and compose something...

Sigh, that reality and fantasy don't mesh is really unfortunate.


Photograph by lis

1.12.2010

pensées

How do you know you're going to do something, until you do it?
//J.D.Salinger

That sums up how I'm thinking about this upcoming semester. Rather than thinking diligently about life altering decisions and challenges, my thoughts are drifting off to other places about other things. For one, I have discovered new music - uplifting, energizing, sardonic, cynical, somber, laughable, inspiring. I'm really into various films... most I realize don't have happy endings.

I put gin in my milk, to kill all the germs
//DirtyPrettyThings



and if it's all a curse and we're just getting worse, baby please don't lose your faith in the good Earth
//VampireWeekend



people say I only hear what I want to... that much is true; people say I only see what I want to... so why do I see you?
//OneNightOnly



why do I think there has never been a Ripley rainy day?
//Marge Sherwood from The Talented Mr. Ripley



I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.
//Alice Ayers from Closer



Tom. Nobody loves Ringo Starr.
Summer. That's what I love about him.
//from (500) Days of Summer



The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life.
//Chris Wilton from Match Point



Let the wild rumpus start!
//Max from Where The Wild Things Are




and finally,

I'll see you again, whenever spring breaks through again
Time may lie heavy between, but what has been, is past forgetting
Your sweet memory, throughout my life will come to me,
Though the world may go awry, in my heart will ever lie
Just the echo of a sigh, goodbye.
//John Whitaker sings from Easy Virtue





It's time for me to be serious and work my ass off like I know I can. The resolutions that I made for the new year are very attainable and I fully intend to try and improve in all aspects of my life...
You see, being 21, knowing what it feels like to fail and do poorly, and having high standards for myself really puts my life into perspective. Here is to hoping that 2010 really turns out for the better.

Now that? All those thoughts were completely my own.



I take credit for none of those photographs.

1.09.2010

artistique



I would love to see this. It looks beautiful, like one of those movies I could watch over and over. Seldom would I ever think this, but I would totally go to the theatre to watch it just by myself.

The composer of the soundtrack for A Single Man did incredible work.


On a slightly pitiable note - I am back to school in less than 2 weeks.

11.30.2009

malheureux


I am just stuck, wallowing about. I don't know how to get out. The only comforting things are my dark room when the only source of light coming from the string of lights I have around my big window, being at home with my mom and daddy, watching Where the Wild Things Are, and my mirrored aviator sunglasses.

Absolutely stuck!!! Need to find a way out immediately before I fail my classes. Its like I'm losing sight of my goal, but I'm not. I just am losing sight of how to get there. Fruitless, useless, saddening.


Photograph by lis

11.14.2009

du soleil



Depending on the way that you look at it, I was lucky/unlucky enough to see the sunrise one night... Even on 1.5 hrs of sleep, I was still motivated enough to grab my camera and shoot from inside my room through my huge windows. I haven't seen so many different colors in the sky for as long as I can remember. The craziest pink/magenta/orange gradient!

I went on a 2 hr run this morning and I wish I had my camera with me. Forest park looked like autumn heaven with a million different colors of leaves all over the floor and a thousand bare tree branches in the sky. I could sit in the middle of the park and just breathe in that maple-oak smell while the crisp air tingles through my loose strands of hair.

Being and watching outside is my escape to the horrible or the stressful, or the ugly in my life.

This semester has been a blessing and a mess all at once.


Photographs by lis

8.02.2009

presque... être fini

Unfortunately, before my summer has really started, it has already begun to end. I have but two and a half more days here at home, and it's back to school to start the grueling process of my junior year.

Fingers crossed for a better year!



Photo borrowed from joannagodard.blogspot

7.05.2009

être fou de..




It's official.
I now have two heroes.


Photos via wimbledon.org

7.01.2009

pour être expressif

Or attempt to, at any rate...

I have created a hitRECord: elemenope at
http://www.hitrecord.org/danprofile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=5239

If my Daddy hadn't packed my beloved camera for storage, I might have fully been in use of that particular piece of equipment during my break times this summer. Unforturnate, unfortunate.