le morceau

I just realized there is a whole part of me completely out of touch with reality. I feel like Trois Gnossienes - diminished fifths, seconds, and upbeats. It can be so crazy good, this place I always visit subconsciously when I have trouble coping with the pressure that is my reality. I know that sometimes I'm like a five year old, but that's the real, big part of me. I really haven't grown up at all - I still want the same things I have always wanted, I still work toward the goal I always had.

What I need to do is learn to moderate my visits to the Trois Gnossienes of my thoughts. Lately, they have been far too frequent. I haven't been moving forward as far as I'd like.

Woah woah. Before I go, trois affaires. (1) I want to learn French horn. (2) That's why I love Finding Neverland so darn much. And, (3) really, you should hear all Trois Gnossienes. It will change your life.



Photographs by lis
That is the score of the piece I am conducting.

ma fenêtre

This is the beautiful view from my window at 8 this morning. It gives me little shivers and made me turn on all the yellowest lights in my room. And I think I should be listening to The Swan of Tuonela, reflecting on life. My thoughts didn't clear from their hazy wake up state, but I did make myself a cup of hot chocolate and think about how happy being warm made me.


I only recently saw that snowflakes really do have those distinct crystalline shapes -- and came to the pitiful realization that they are hard to capture in a photograph. No matter where I tried to land a snowflake, each decided he certainly did not want to be seen, and melted straight away. My windowsill was the closest I could get to a still frozen snowflake. Then, I realized that my camera could not do their structures any justice.

I am pleased to report that I felt a new, stronger wave of motivation after my five hour exam yesterday- only to be helped on by my admiration for Federer and his ability to prevail, and André Previn and his passion for artistic interpretation... le soupir.

I hope - a good week ahead.



Photographs by lis

beaucoup de charme

it's probably weird, but I am so absolutely drawn to his nonchalance.
it makes me think he is si artistique.

actually, no.
this is probably much more weird, because I realize he is like at least 40.
but he is so dapper.

seth cohen (who is > adam brody).

wang lee hom.
wait, seriously. how can this be anything but appealing?

oh, novak.

bryce avary and his talent.




Photographs 1, 2 by The Sartorialist
Photograph 6 found on Flickr

très (peu familier)

I'd say, for lots of things. Semester, class, age. Mostly though, it was my fifteen minute walk back from physiology that made me contemplate my current situation. I realize that I have always been the one to make the most important decisions in my life, but I feel like I've always had help along the way. It's really come to a point now though, that I have absolutely no one I can completely rely on. I must be the one to entirely earn my future. In that, I somehow feel very alone.

It's basically this. I'm the one person on the inside, looking out. I've locked myself inside to work, and it feels like everyone else finished their homework early so they are already out playing. I know I've chosen this path for myself, but why does my homework have to be so hard and take so long?

Like with everything else, I should just diagnose my problem, and figure out how to fix it. Even after all this time, I just can't pinpoint the problem. Though now I think really hard about it, that's bound to be one of the hardest parts of being a doctor, isn't it?


Photograph by lis

début

I don't understand. Sad things can seem so beautiful. I know for certain that when I'm as cold and sad inside as the grass buried in ice, I don't feel beautiful.

Only one more day of home, until I have to return to school for another cold, hard semester.

On another note, Rachmaninoff is a complete genius. He knows beauty and turmoil so well. I think I've been listening to his No2 and No3 on repeat for at least two weeks. Rachmaninoff gives me new inspiration every new listen. If I had his physical capacity and intellectual imagination, I could do so much more with music.

Here's to wishes, of being more successful, beautiful, artistic.


Photograph by lis