assez gros

I am talking about myself, of course. The cycle of eating unwell and having to sit at a desk all day is contributing to perhaps the worst shape I've ever been in in my young life. I am publishing this now so that I have somewhere to definitively say: I am changing how I eat and live. If not, before I know it, I may become one of those sedentary, insulin resistant/insensitive individuals who develops HTN and DMII early in life.

On a happy, light note,

fatigué

the full moon shining on me before I fell asleep a few days ago

Phew. This is the first time in a long time when I am exhausted from work. It's exhausting just thinking about the fact that in the meantime, there is so little reward for so much work that must be put in to just get by, day to day. I suppose it is what we all should have expected when we decided to go to such stimulating and challenging academic institutions.

But like, phew. It's so tiring.

And amidst my two-bowls-full-of-coffee-and-am-still-tired spell during the day, I realized that in all actuality, if things go the way that I want for them and plan for them to go, this will be the rest of my life. My motivation therein lies with the potential that I will save lots of lives and help lots of people in the future.

Here's to my sacrificing a little sleep for my brighter, more successful future.




Photograph by lis

rien, vraiment

the score I'm conducting now,
but more representative of my perspective on
life generally, right now

I actually don't have much to say. I wish this weren't true, but I have been full of extreme ups and downs (more of the downs) lately. I'm waiting for it to kind of equalize out.

I'm so grateful that I have amazing friends who balance me out and genuinely care about me. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have a family that loves and supports me through everything. It's so fortunate that when things are looking so down, I still have people around me to turn that world upside down, right side up.

And as the complete and utter nerd that I am, the Third Movement of Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony is probably one of the most sincere and touching pieces I have ever heard. Honest to goodness, if I were to fall in love, I want it to be to this beautiful, genius, vulnerable piece of music. I think Rachmaninoff and I are on the same wavelength most of the time, except he is much more of a genius than I will ever be.



Photograph by lis